Joshua Hawk

Today, millions of Americans will gather around the table with family and loved ones, eat turkey, watch the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day parade and the Dallas Cowboys. This Thanksgiving Day I have plenty to be thankful for. I celebrate Thanksgiving this year for an entirely different reason than I have in the past. Today I have a grateful heart but if you would have asked me six months ago how my year was going, I would have told you a different story. In fact, I probably would have told you 2018 took the cake for one of the worst years of my life. This year started off terrible and was riddled with discouragement and financial difficulty like I have never faced before; however, what I am about to describe is nothing short of God’s goodness and faithfulness. 

The Letter

At the beginning of the year, I received a letter in the mail from everyone’s least favorite federal agency – the IRS. Everyone knows that a letter from the IRS never contains good news. According to the letter, I was randomly selected for an audit and it was discovered that I had a “deficiency” of $2,200 from my 2015 taxes due to a claim on my education credit. In 2015, I was attending ENMU on a full-ride scholarship that I had received from the NM All-State Academic Team through Phi Theta Kappa so I immediately knew where that figure came from. When I got home, I pulled out my 2015 Jackson Hewitt tax packet from storage and searched for my 1098-T but it was missing from the packet! I went on a frantic search and emptied a lot of my boxes and folders several times but my best efforts to find it were unfruitful. I knew without that form I didn’t have any refutable evidence to fight the claim and I would have to accept the deficiency and pay the full amount. $2,200 is a large amount of money and it definitely wasn’t something I had stashed away in the bank. So I placed the letter on the counter and chose to forget about it for several weeks.

When February arrived, I finally worked up the courage to get my 2017 taxes done. When I went to Jackson Hewitt, I brought my 2015 tax packet and the letter from the IRS. I was already convinced that they wouldn’t be able to do anything about it; nevertheless, I wanted to get their advice on it and how to approach it. When I showed the tax preparer the letter, she pulled up my file for 2015. I remember sitting there praying quietly that somehow they would have a copy of my 1098-T form. Lo and behold, they had a digital copy of it from a scan that they made 2 years before! She made a copy for me and saw the numbers on that form matched what the IRS claimed I owed. As she continued going through my files, she discovered that I made an insurance purchase through them that year and it would cover any filing mistakes. I usually don’t buy things like that but for whatever odd reason I did that year. It was definitely a God thing because it would cover the claim from the IRS. I left the tax office praising God for this wonderful news!

The End of a Ministry

It was March and things were starting to look up. My debt with the IRS was being covered, I was working on my ministry credentials, and I had a ministry in leading worship for the youth and mentoring student leaders. Things were going smoothly for a little while but there was a stark difference in my approach to worship and the new youth pastor’s vision. He revealed to me his vision and plan for student led worship with no adults on the worship team. I knew it was a matter of time before I would be asked to take a back seat. I didn’t understand what was happening because I knew God had called me to student ministry. I talk about that in a previous blog post, New Year’s Resolution – Lessons Learned. I already felt like my ministry was being hindered after being rejected for the role of youth pastor so I sought God for answers but didn’t find any. I asked my mom for prayer and advice and she thought the door was being shut and wisely instructed me to exit from that role before things got too hard on me. So that Sunday, I spoke to our students leaders and our youth pastor and announced I was stepping down in support of the new vision. This was one of the most discouraging times of my life. I felt like my ministry was snatched from me. Every Wednesday when I sat in the adult service, I could hear the worship service resonating from the wall that separated the sanctuary and the youth room. What should have elicited excitement and happiness only served as a painful reminder of my once thriving ministry. 

Several months went by and I took to song writing. During this period, I wrote more songs than I ever had before. It is often said that the best songs come from the heart and are written during times of trouble and pain. I was hurting when I wrote these songs so I can confirm that this is 100% true! As a result, I added more songs to my repertoire and have enough songs to produce an iTunes EP! In addition to writing new songs, a new ministry opportunity opened up for me at another church in the West Texas district. I met the pastors of this church back in January and my friendship with them exploded. I had the opportunity to preach for their youth and lead worship for their main services on several occasions. These were some of the best services I have had the privilege to be a part of. It truly was a humbling experience. It was during this time that I received the healing that I needed and was assured that I was still anointed and God wasn’t done with me yet. 

The Wreck

On June 12th, I was on my lunch break and decided to take a different route that day. I pulled out of the parking lot at my job and got to the intersection on 50th Street and Utica Ave. The light was green and I was in the right turning lane. As I proceeded to turn, a girl in a silver Neon runs the red light and smacks into the driver side of my car. It happened so fast but I remember my coins in the center console being tossed in the air scattering all over my vehicle and the air bags deploying. My car came to a complete stop and shut off on it’s own. Coincidentally enough, a Hispanic man who worked at a collision repair shop on the same street corner ran out and cut the airbags with his pocket knife so the smoke would escape and I could breathe without choking. I was able to get out of my car on my own but I felt shaken up. Once I got out, I was able to see what had happened. The girl who hit me saw me at the last second and she tried to swerve around me and hit the front driver side wheel and veered off into oncoming traffic landing on the sidewalk on the other side of the street. Her car was totaled but the wreck could have been worse. Had she not saw me, she would have plowed into the driver side door which could have severely injured me. Fortunately all I got were a few bumps and bruises.

The police and emergency services arrived to the scene and took a police report. The girl who hit me had expired insurance so it was up to my insurance company to take care of the repairs. I pulled out my phone and noticed my mom had texted me. She said “can you pray for me? I’m at prayer meeting and I can’t pray.” When I texted her back and told her what happened, she immediately knew why. She came to the scene of the accident and was really concerned for my health. I stood on the side of the road as I watch my car get towed away. A once beautiful car was badly damaged and most likely beyond repair. As odd as this sounds, I wasn’t angry towards the girl who ruined my car. If anything, I felt sorry for her because she was going to have a long road ahead of her in getting a replacement vehicle without help from her insurance and getting those citations resolved. I even prayed for her that she was ok and God would give her favor. Although I was disappointed about the car, I was grateful to be alive and God protected me. Even though I was ok, attempts to convince my mom that I was ok were unsuccessful. She took me to the E.R. to get checked out. It turned out to be a quick visit. They took my vitals, asked me a few questions, gave me a shot for the soreness and sent me on my way.

My insurance provider, Geico, was incredibly quick and inspected my car the next day. Unfortunately it was ruled a total loss. That news hurt a little because I was less than a year away from having my car paid off and was looking forward to saving an extra $500 a month. But Geico covered my rental car for a few days and gave me $17,000 for my car and an additional $1,000 to cover medical bills. After my car was paid off, I had about $12,000 for a down payment on a new vehicle. My good friend, who happens to be a car salesman back in my home town, went to work and found a blue 2018 Chevy Camaro with black rims and fender stripes. The funny thing is I never thought I would drive another Camaro again. My old Camaro was pretty much useless when it snowed because of how low to the ground it was and the amount of attention it attracted from race-happy boys in souped up cars and trucks was irritating! If I had a dollar for every time someone revved their engine at me or tried to race me, I would have enough money to pay off my car! I wanted to get a truck but my buddy made me a deal I couldn’t resist so now I am driving a brand new beautiful Chevy Camaro in my favorite color!

The Bill

Remember that E.R. visit the day of the wreck that my mom made me go to? In August, two months after the accident, I received the bill. When I opened the bill, my jaw dropped to the floor. The amount due was $2,200! When I received the check from Geico to use for medical bills, I bought a brand new Fender Telecaster with that money to use it for my iTunes EP project. I was sure the E.R. bill would be reasonable since I am on a HDHMO and have an HSA. But $2,200 was once again more than what I had in my bank account. I vented at my mom briefly for making me go to the E.R. but I was mostly disappointed in myself for being impulsive and buying that guitar before receiving the bill. Lesson learned! I called up Covenant, and drained my entire HSA and paid $700 out of my checking account to bring my amount due down to $1,000. I then set up a payment plan for 4 months to pay $250 a month to finish off the bill by the end of the year. 

At the end of August, we had our annual open enrollment meeting at my job. The executives made an announcement that they were going to deposit $1,000 into our HSA’s starting in September in monthly installments of $250. As they were announcing this in the meeting, I was fighting back tears and shouting on the inside “Thank you, Jesus!” I was already grateful for the IRS debt being resolved and God providing me a new vehicle  but once again God was providing for my financial needs. But the blessing doesn’t stop there! When September rolled around, I was checking my HSA to see if the first installment of $250 was deposited into my account. As soon as I saw it, I called up Covenant to make my first monthly payment. When they pulled up my information, they said I didn’t owe them anything. I was confused and told them it had to be a mistake and I should have a balance of minus $1,000. The man put me on hold while he checked. He came back a few minutes later and told me I actually had a credit for $1,200 because they received a check from Geico the week before for $2,200 to cover the E.R. bill. That meant I would get reimbursed for the $1,200 I already paid towards the bill! So when you see those commercials that say you can save 15% or more on car insurance by switching to Geico; I can confirm that this is true! Even though Geico is pretty amazing, nothing can compare to how good and incredible God is!

The Aftermath

With the storm finally behind me, I felt like my life was finally back to normal. I picked back up my ministerial studies and things were going great at work. I learned a great deal of humility and to trust God during this process which is sometimes called the wilderness. Many times I felt like I was put on a shelf but I know God was preparing me for something big. On Tuesday, October 30th, what seemed like a normal day, I was blessed beyond words. God provided a way for me to pay off my new car in FULL which will make me debt free for the first time in five years!

What started off as the worst year of my life ended up as being one of the best years of my life. I don’t understand why God did all of this for me. Sometimes I feel undeserving but I truly have a lot to be thankful for; not only on this Thanksgiving Day but going forward for the rest of my life. God is so good and I will never forget all of the good He has done for me. What the devil meant for evil, God turned it around and blessed me abundantly! If God has done something great for you, I encourage you to share it with everyone and remember the reason we celebrate Thanksgiving. Happy Thanksgiving my friends and blessed be the name of the Lord!